I felt numb, like I was living life through a dream. There physically, but not really there.

But when I looked up at the sky, something would change inside of me. I would get lost and forget everything else. It felt like a weight had been lifted.

Later I would go on a journey that led to my fascination with this exact feeling.

The feeling I was describing was awe.

Having spent majority of my life as a family caregiver and a registered nurse, I noticed something in myself and in many other people who care for others.

It is very easy for us to take on the weight of other people.

There were so many things I heard people say that I had once said too.

“I guess this is my life.”
“This is just how it is.”
“What else can I even do?”

Years later I was burnt out, disconnected, and deeply depressed.

Having reached my capacity, I quit nursing with no plan and no idea what I would do next.

Burnout and my own healing journey eventually led me back to photography, something I had loved for as long as I could remember.

When I take a photo, I have to stop whatever I am thinking or feeling and focus completely on what is in front of me. Some people might call that mindfulness. For me it felt like being alive.

Behind the camera, for a brief moment, the world’s problems disappear and all that exists is what I am seeing.

And when I look back at the photograph later, the image takes me back and I stand there in awe and wonder again.

Nature is wonderful at creating awe. With my photos, I realized I could capture the feeling and return to them again.

In a way, the image became portable awe.

PORTABLE AWE: Moments of awe captured in an image so they can be experienced again

One day I felt overwhelmed. Even small tasks felt impossible.

I was lying down when I looked out the window and noticed the clouds in the sky. They were expansive and beautiful. For a moment my thoughts stopped and all I felt was awe and curiosity.

That pause shifted something in me. The fog lifted. Perspective returned. Suddenly I had the capacity to get up and move again.

Moments like that made me curious.

What actually happens in our brains when we experience awe? Why do we feel so different when we stand at the edge of the ocean or watch the sun rise over the horizon?

My favorite part of nursing had always been teaching people about their own bodies and helping them understand what was happening inside them.

That desire never left.

I began researching how awe affects the brain and the nervous system. I compiled what scientists and psychologists have discovered about why moments of beauty can interrupt overwhelm and shift the way we experience the world.

I needed awe to come back to life. Now I create art and share what I have learned about the science of awe with the hope that others can experience that same relief.

I MAKE ART BECAUSE IT CHANGES HOW WE EXPERIENCE LIFE.